The Night Circus

Ooh, I really like this! Not only does it flow very well, but it is also visually appeasing (bonus points there!). I love how you chose to space the text--it's not too far apart and not too close together--it definitely sets this piece apart from the literary masses because it immediately catches the eye. Very, very nice! <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="" title=" (Smile)"/>

Also, it's refreshing to read free verse poetry that isn't just some random crap someone tossed out in a minute. Most of the time, people use free verse as an excuse to scribble some nonsensical crap and throw it out there as a self-proclaimed masterpiece. I always love finding gems like these among the same-old stuff that ends up in this category. I especially love the lines:

"But when the lights flicker out

Its charm is in doubt"

Not only does it reflect the theme of the poem, but it also shows the turning point between the contrasting happy and light side by day against the sinister and dark side of the circus at night. It makes me imagine that the poem is a sun that sets as I read down, and becomes a rising moon. Wonderful job with the imagery there!

Also, you wondered about the punctuation? I think it's perfect the way it is! In poetry, punctuation is used strategically, because it can affect the way the overall poem is read, or of one word's subtle difference in meaning. One of these strategies is to not use punctuation at all. I think this works especially well with this poem: it combines with the spacing for an air of simplicity that really adds to the atmosphere. In the case of this piece, I'd say don't use punctuation, because it would clutter up the flow and visual appeal.

You asked for feedback on the rhyming, so I'll talk about that too...

First off, I wouldn't worry about the rhyming of "circus" and "promise" in the beginning. To me, it almost sounds like a ringmaster talking to his audience--"the circus" as an introductory statement to pique the interest, and then followed by the enticing "a land filled with promise". Maybe in other cases it wouldn't work, but in several places you've used words that "technically" aren't considered as rhyming, but you've done it consistently, and it really makes the poem what it is. Overall, I wouldn't worry about it: it works because it doesn't interrupt the flow.

However, there are a couple places where the amount of words in each lines create a hitch in the reading. "With a beautiful and fun appearance" is one of those places. For me, it feels about maybe one syllable too long. I think it may be the word "beautiful" that's doing it. I sort of hold my breath and try not to stumble over it as I read the poem out loud. Try playing around with that one till it feels right.

Another place that stops me up a little is the shortness of "No pin-juggling jester, A barren help center". On its own, its good, but right after the longer "Gone is its glamour and fascination, Revoking the welcoming invitation" it seems a tad too short. Again, it seems to be the difference of only a couple syllables. It doesn't have to be as long as the previous lines, but you may want to lengthen it just a teeny bit.

"Here and there some hocus-pocus
What could possibly happen at the Night Circus?"

Love that ending! Great job and keep up the awesome work!

Hope this helps,
Bryn P. (Jsaren)